Daddy drinks because you cry...

First of all, I don't really drink when my kids cry. If I did, I would have died from alcohol poisoning a long time ago. What is it that makes the brain of a child believe that if they cry, the parents will do whatever it is the child wants to do? "What's that, you want to go outside and play at 8:30pm?" "No, it's almost bedtime". (cue the waterworks)..."I want to go out and play for a little while, you never let us go outside".

This mindless drivel will go on for God knows how long before a parent will proclaim "I have had enough of this crying, you are grounded". HA, that will solve this problem. Wait...the crying has subsided and been replaced by a high-pitched dog whine (think bassett hound) and thrashing about with just a twinge of anger. The dog whine-thrashing-anger phase goes on for a while followed closely by the kiss-ass phase.

The kiss-ass phase is interesting. The child is able to pull himself completely together. If I sneeze, he is there with a Kleenex. "Here Dad, I think you might need this". "Can I get you a Diet Coke". As a father, I love this stage of the game. I get treated with respect. You might think this is taking advantage of the little hellion but you would be wrong. This is merely payback for enduring the crying phase and the dog whine-thrashing-anger phase. This is my moment. I deserve it.

The kiss-ass phase can be for a very short time or it can last for an extended time. But when it is all said and done, the kiss-ass phase ends with the child asking for the initial request again. This is generally followed by the same answer that was given the first time. And the cycle starts all over again.

For all the parents out there of multiple children, you know that at every waking moment of the day, you are in one of these phases. I personally have learned to tune out the crying and whining which you must do to keep your sanity.

I will end this blog by saying to my wife "God bless you". She stays home all day with these people. I get to go to work and sit in my nice office free of whining and crying...usually. ;-)